What do you think?

I admit it: I’m a fan of Britney Spears.  When I’m in my car and one of her songs comes on the radio, I turn it up.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  In fact, it’s really quite helpful at times, such as when a lyric from her newest song gets stuck in my head and gives me an idea for a blog post.  Absolutely perfect since I was having trouble coming up with a topic.  The lyric in question is from “I Wanna Go”, and it’s “Lately I’ve been stuck imagining, what I want to do and what I really think.”  That got me thinking.

One of the focus areas for our summer programming has been to empower youth in our community, which we have done through four week-long camps.  Part of this is helping them understand that what they think is important, it matters, and it doesn’t always have to be the same as what their friends think.  This is an important, because sometimes it can feel like there is pressure to act a certain way, think a certain way, or look a certain way.  This is especially true for young people, but it’s not exclusive only to them.

Why is there such a pressure?  It seems as though no one likes it when others try to make them look, do, or think a certain way, and yet the pressure still comes from somewhere.  It can be in varying degrees, from being barely noticed to practically taking over someone’s life, but everyone knows that it’s out there.  What’s more is that underlying the feeling of pressure to conform is the desire to not have to care about what other people want.

So what if we didn’t have to care?  What if everyone was free to look, act, speak how they wish?  Within the confines of the law, of course.

I think that we’d all be much more willing to express ourselves.  You can see it in my opening paragraph, when I validate the fact that I’m a Britney fan by saying there’s nothing wrong with that, a qualifier I added on only because I’m aware of the scornful reaction some might have to Britney.  That is a small example of how expression can be limited by worrying about what others think.  But more than just expressing our likes, we would feel more able to express ideas, fears, hopes and so on.  This is what I imagine when I think about what I want to do and what I really think.

What do you think?

Asking for Help

I think it’s pretty well known how important it is to offer help.  Whether it’s helping around the house, helping a friend, volunteering, or holding the door open for someone, I think we all know that these are good, helpful things to do.  What I think is less known is that it is also important to ask for help.  If there are household tasks that might be overwhelming, financial obligations that can’t be met, or medical issues that need to be seen to, it is important that these things can be resolved before they become too chaotic to handle.

The thing is, sometimes it seems like needing help can be a bad thing.  I don’t quite understand this.  Maybe it’s because I ask for help about three thousand times a day (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration).  Examples are needing help to find a certain file at work, asking for help when I can’t find something specific at the grocery store, or even needing help when the cat jumps up on the counter while dinner is being made.  It would be foolish in these cases to not ask for help, because without it the correct file would never be found, I wouldn’t be able to find the pie crust my mom told me to get, and the cat would have eaten half the raw bacon before we could clear both him and the bacon away.  Help is a good and necessary thing.

But maybe it’s the type of help.  My examples are obvious.  They are times when it is obvious that help is needed, and they have pretty simple solutions (such as yank the bacon from the cat and put him in the bathroom while the other person continues to make dinner).  Maybe the harder the solution, the more help that is needed, means it is more difficult to ask for it.  But at the same time, not getting help when household chores become too overwhelming to manage alone can have a more detrimental impact than if the cat eats a piece of raw bacon.

But what if someone doesn’t/won’t/can’t ask for help?  What can be done then?  If, for whatever reason, they don’t feel able to ask for help, it might be a good idea to offer it.  This can be as simple as offering to assist with some yard work or checking up on an elderly neighbor during a heat-wave.  Or checking on someone when you hear a shout and a crash.  After all, it might not be because of the cat.

Luckily, for both help-seekers and help-offerers, there are resources that are waiting.  First of all is United Way 2-1-1.  2-1-1 is a confidential helpline that can connect the caller with resources that will get them the help that they need.  There are also numerous local organizations that offer a wide variety of services to those in need.  And of course, you can always contact us.  We are more than willing to assist in any way we can; you can email us on our website www.shercounitedway.org and you can call us as 763-633-5886.

Word of the Week: Advocate

I don’t know if you know, but the United Way identifies three methods of helping in a community: Give, Advocate and Volunteer.  Of these three ways, I think Advocate is the one that is most over-looked.  Of course, the other two are Give and Volunteer, which are pretty self explanatory, so it sort of makes sense that they might get more attention.  And that’s why Advocate is the Word of the Week.

According to dictionary.com, Advocate means “to speak or write in favor of; support or urge by argument; recommend publicly”.  Here at the Sherburne County Area United Way, it means adding your voice to the voices of others in support of lasting changes that address the root causes of our communities’ problems.  It means to help solve problems before they arise by raising awareness.

To me, advocating is one of the most important things that can be done in support of an organization.  After all, all the money and volunteers in world won’t do much good if nobody knows about an organization or utilizes the services that are offered.  We all have something that we feel strongly about, whether it’s mentoring children or providing services for the elderly.  It makes a lot of difference if people who are passionate about a topic speak about it.

So now I am going to advocate for a group that I think is very important to our community, and I invite you to do the same.  The group that I’m advocating for is Sherburne County Area United Way’s Women’s Leadership Council.  I know, that’s a lot of words, but the work the Women’s Leadership Council does makes it worthwhile to learn all eight of them.

The Women’s Leadership Council is doing great things within the community, such as the annual Ladies Night Out and planning our summer camps.  The main purpose of both Ladies Night Out and the summer camps is to empower women and youth.  Ladies Night Out is an evening focused on pampering the women who attend the event.  The goals of the summer camps are to create self-reliant skills in young people and increase self-esteem.

Does this sound like something you would want to be a part of?  Well, this Wednesday the, July 20^th, the Women’s Leadership Council is hosting an Ice Cream Social.  It will be an opportunity to get together, learn about the WLC, discuss community issues, and, of course, have ice cream sundaes!  The meeting will last from 6:30-8:00, and it will be held in the upstairs conference room in the Coldwell Banker Building on Main Street in Elk River.  For more information, or to RSVP, call 763-633-5886 or email us at jenna@shercounitedway.org or joy@shercounitedway.org.  Everyone is invited to come and enjoy the evening with the Women’s Leadership Council.

Hope to see you there!

What Is Childhood?

I’m somewhat melancholy today.  You see, today is marking the unofficial end of my childhood (yes, I know, technically I haven’t been a child for years, it’s metaphorical.)  At midnight tonight, the last Harry Potter film is going to be released.  And that’ll be the end: no more movies, no more books.  Now I know that the mention of Harry Potter was either met with excitement or groans.  Groaners, please bear with me, this is NOT a Harry Potter blog.

Now to the point that I’m trying to make: the first Harry Potter book came out when I was ten and the first movie came out when I was fourteen.  Much like Westerns in the mid-1900’s, this is something that I have grown up with and is something that has left it’s mark upon my generation.  Now that it’ll be over the feeling of whimsy is done.  And as I said in the beginning, it feels like childhood is gone forever for me.

How tragic.

But it doesn’t need to be.  When I think of what makes childhood so special, and why children seem to be so happy a lot of the time, I think it’s because life is an exploration.  There’s adventure around every corner, and everything they come in contact with has the potential of unlimited possibilities.  That excitement and love of life radiates from children, you can practically feel it.  Unfortunately, that can lessen as people get older.

I think that we all can, and should, keep that spirit alive within us.  As we grow older, our responsibilities grow and it is very easy to get caught up in that.  Thoughts of work, the economy, cutting down that dead tree before it falls on the house in the next storm – that can be a lot to deal with and it is understandably something that occupies a lot of mental time.  It makes sense that these thoughts can drive out more whimsical, childish ones such as “Isn’t that a neat looking bug!”

In my current end-of-an-era mental state I don’t want to let go of the excitement that a colorful bug can bring forth.  I think it’s good to accept more responsibility as you grow, otherwise you won’t grow, but I think it is also important to not completely grow out of that excitement that can rise up just because there is a neat bug.

I don’t think that’s something that anyone has to let go of.  I think that, even though it might take a little bit of effort, anyone who wants to can regain the excitement of childhood.  Take a walk and look at how extraordinary ordinary things can be.  Fly kites at a park.  Color with crayons.  Notice how, sometimes, the smallest things can be the most exciting.

You know, I think I’ve cheered myself up.   And I’m going to take my own advice, I even know exactly where my crayons are.

Word of the Week: Winner

There was a simple mantra my dad would have my sister and I repeat when we were younger: “I’m a winner.  I’m a winner.  I’m a winner.”  At the time I felt he had us say this so we would feel good about ourselves, to make us think of ourselves as winners.  I still think that now, but I also think that he was trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If we thought we were winners, we would be.  Clever.

According to dictionary.com the word winner means a person who wins, that’s pretty vague.  So what did my dad mean when he had us say “I’m a winner.”?  How do you want someone to feel when you tell them they are winners? 

I think my dad had a good idea by not only telling us that we were winners, but by having us tell ourselves that we were.  I think that we did create a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that our self-esteem rose. It might not have risen a drastic amount, but repeating a positive phrase to ourselves definitely had an impact.  And that’s sort of amazing, when you think about, how profound those three words “I’m a winner” could be.  How effective they were in creating a positive self image.

There’s been a lot of discussion in the past months about how words can hurt, with numerous examples of extreme bullying cases that have been discussed throughout the country.  It’s beyond a doubt that words are very powerful and can be used in a negative way.  What my dad was doing, what he was having my sister and I do, is an example of the positive things that words can do.

With that in mind, I would like propose a challenge.  Try to think of ways to improve lives, either other people’s or your own, with only words.  It can be as simple as telling your children they’re winners and having them repeat it.  The repeating is important because they are not only hearing you speak positively to them, they are learning how to compliment themselves.  Three little words can not only make them feel good about themselves, but it can also help them realize their inner strength and that how you view yourself is important; it’s not all about what other people think.

Another way to demonstrate the positive power in words is by trying to compliment one stranger a day.  If you’re out walking and you see someone with their dog, tell them how cute the dog is.  If you see someone in a store that has a particularly nice haircut, tell them this.  These are complimentary thoughts that occur to us quite often, but are not often said out loud.  However, I think we all know that it is nice to hear these random compliments from time to time.  They are day-brighteners that only take about five seconds and only a few words, but can have a profound impact on someone.

Words are one tool that we all have that can create a lot of good.  That sounds like the perfect description of how to be a winner.

Just the Tip of the Iceberg

Here are just some of the things that can be found in my purse: wallet, phone, mint gum, pens (most of which work), keys, lip balm, planner, a bottle of water, band-aids, paper, headphones, Kleenex, and some kind of food.  Oh, and usually I have a book in there as well, but I just finished the last one and haven’t put a new book in.  Basically, it’s everything I think I could possible need over the course of any given day, yet I don’t think it seems like that much.

I do think that the contents of someone’s purse can tell a lot about that person.  Kleenex in the middle of July could show that I suffer from allergies, and I do.   Food could show that I either like to snack, or that I have a long day ahead and don’t want to get too hungry.  Both are true.  It certainly seems like a lot can be learned from the contents of a purse, or the contents of a wallet, car, and so on.

This past spring I had the opportunity to work with some high school students in the St. Cloud area with the goal of increasing communication and conflict-management skills.  As part of this the group discussed the Iceberg Theory.  You might know the fact that 90% of an iceberg is below the surface of the water.  Hence the phrase “that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”  And that’s the thought behind the Iceberg Theory, but it is applied to people.  Most of what makes up a person is below the surface, and it cannot be learned from just looking at him or her, or even looking through the contents of a purse.

The risk of just looking at the tip of the iceberg?  Making snap decisions about people that can lead to misguided judgments which can at the very least keep you from getting to know someone great.  The benefit of looking below the surface?  Finding information about a person and truly trying to get to know someone new, with the added benefit that you will probably learn more about yourself.

This is something that I didn’t often think about before, but more and more I find myself considering the Iceberg Theory when I meet someone new.  There are many things that can count as the tip of the iceberg, most obvious of which are how someone dresses and their physical appearance, but this also includes how someone talks or what kind of gestures someone makes.  This can all lead to a conclusion about someone that is at the very least incomplete or even completely wrong.  The Iceberg Theory serves to help create relationships, and it can remind you to look past first or even second impressions because chances are that there is far more to someone than you can tell.

To remind myself of this I tell myself to try to find out three things about someone you just meet that lie below the surface.  Keeping the thought that everyone is a metaphorical iceberg in my mind has helped me gain a greater understanding of people and build bridges with others.

So, while I think it’s true that you can tell a lot from my purse, what doesn’t it show?

Take a Delicious Risk

I’m a picky eater, or at least that’s what people keep telling me.  I think I just know what I like, and I can tell what I don’t like.  For instance, I didn’t think I would like mustard - it’s yellow and it has an un-appetizing name.  I stayed away from it.  When my parents finally made me try it, it was confirmed: mustard is not good.  Using this as a base for future new-food experiences, I decided that I should go with my instinct on trying new foods from then on.  Which generally meant sticking to what I knew and not trying anything different.

Not long ago, a friend of mine pointed out the fact that I always order the same things at restaurants.  I get a certain kind of sandwich at one place, a certain type of chicken at another and so on.  When my friend pointed this out, I was quick to explain that it was because I know what I like at certain restaurants, and I don’t want to risk ordering a new food and not liking it.  This got me thinking.  What sort of culinary sensations was I missing out on because I was afraid of trying something new?  There’s nothing wrong with having “the usual”, but what if the usual gets in the way of something better?

That led me to another question: What if my desire to not try new things impacted more than just what I eat?

Risks have to be taken, there’s no way around that.  New things need to be tried, or you can never learn.  After all, at one point everything we did was new, and that turned out pretty well.  Tying shoes, going fishing, driving a car, eating chocolate with bacon in it, all of these things were new at some point.  Yes, some things might end up not being great, but where would we be if we hadn’t tried these new things?

My point is that it’s healthy to try new things.  Whether it’s trying a new food, learning a skill, or getting involved in a new organization, new things help us grow as people.  They offer us new opportunities within our communities that we might never have known existed otherwise.  It gives our lives more of a variety, and as the saying goes “variety is the spice of life.”  If you ask me, that sounds delicious.

Update:

Since my friend brought up my habit of eating the same foods all the time, I have made a point to try new things.  Not only when we go out together, but at home as well.  I must say, I have enjoyed expanding my tastes.  And I am looking forward to opportunities to further expand.

What new things have you tried?